come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
