apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
