Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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