Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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