i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
