I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
