Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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