When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
