I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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