The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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