Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
