I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
