i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
