I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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