so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
