I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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