I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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