Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
