Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
