I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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