there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
