I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
