Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
