Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
