I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
