This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
