I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
