this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
