giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
