i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
