I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
