I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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