he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
