Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
