First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
