I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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