bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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