Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
