And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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