That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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