I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize