Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
