If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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