I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
