How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
