I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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