I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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