we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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