i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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