3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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