I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize