Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
