He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
