Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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