Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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