I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
