this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
