He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize