Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
