He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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