do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
