I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
