you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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