I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
