is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
