Apparently you make a good broom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
