HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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