My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
