just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we're making bets on your personal life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
