at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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