break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
