Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
