Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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