i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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