The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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