your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
