Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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