I'm really into asian looking animals
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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