ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
