i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
