Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize