Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
